How the Shepherds Got Their Bed Back

A couple of weeks ago, the proverbial poopy diaper hit the fan with Amy Grace's sleep habits. Things had been going fairly well until she turned about 6 months old. She slept with us all night every night until about 4 months, then started spending the first part of the night in her crib before I'd bring her back into bed with us around 2 am or so. There was the occasional night she slept through the night (ok, until 4 am, but still!), but for the most part she woke 1-2 times to eat and promptly went back to sleep, oftentimes even in her own crib. Then she cut two teeth and had a couple of colds, which made for a very whiny baby and a tired (and also whiny) mama. Utterly (and incorrectly) convinced that this was normal and just something that had to be fought through for the indefinite future, I started getting lazier and lazier about putting Amy Grace back in her bed because for awhile there she would wake up 20 minutes later, just as I was dozing off back into dreamland. This continued for most of the night and the sleep deprivation was getting the better of me. So by 8 months, she was essentially spending the majority of the night past 11 pm or so with us - which does wear on a marriage after the better part of a year. And things weren't getting better.

Thankfully, Brent got my thinking back on track with this one, especially after talking to many of our friends about their experiences, including a couple who had similar struggles with their 12-month-old and had tried the Ferber method, where you let the baby cry for increasing periods of time (3 min, 5 min, 10 min, etc) until they finally fall asleep. The baby-wearing, breastfeeding side of me recoiled somewhat at this idea, but the Coopers had had such success - along with everyone else - that I decided I needed to seriously humble myself and consider that maybe my "feelings" aren't always the best guide for what to do. God gave me a wonderful leader in Brent and I knew this would be a great exercise in letting go and trusting, which is something I am very weak in but trying to grow towards every day.

I have to admit that in my mind, this was going to be a terribly painful experience involving Amy Grace screaming for hours on end and suddenly losing all trust that we are going to care for her needs. This was not the case at all. At its worst, she cried for about half and hour tops, and most of that was more whiny than anything - she always got the most mad when I would leave the room again. She did fall asleep grasping the crib rails a few times (the video monitor has provided a lot of entertainment AND reassurance during this), and I'd be lying if I said it wasn't hard for me at first. However, the 3rd night was much much better, and last night (after about a week) she just laid her little head down and went right to sleep without any fussing whatsoever! She still occasionally wakes up and fusses for a minute or two at points during the night, but resettles herself pretty quickly until she's ready to eat somewhere between 1 and 4 am. I still put her down awake after that feeding, and one day we will drop that one too - but for now 1 waking per night feels like a dream (no pun inteded), and she's still pretty ravenous then so it seems like she truly is hungry, rather than waking out of habit.

Of course she still smiles as big as ever, and if anything she has even more energy during the day because she too is getting more rest at night! (Uh oh. :)) Our daughter is more resilient than I give her credit for, and its been a reminder to me that I need to grow a LOT in my own resiliency. Our world tends to baby everyone, from actual babies to adults, and I know this is a constant temptation for me, to baby myself and in turn, our daughter. I want her to grow up strong and resilient, and the only way she is going to do that is if she sees her mama growing up in those same things.

Explosion!

Yesterday morning, Amy Grace and I were actually poised to be EARLY to daycare and work. "This is great!" I thought. Diaper bag and bottles? Check. Pumping bag? Check. Purse? Che...Uh oh. I glanced over and saw that there was a puddle (yes, puddle) of green poo all over Amy Grace's legs and her carseat. She had been fussing for awhile (which is normal by this time in the morning when she is tired of being restrained in her carseat and is ready to GO!), but I guess I'd fuss too if I were sitting in a big puddle of poop. I'd been watching her diapers to make sure that the new solids we have been trying weren't, shall we say, thwarting any of her normal biological processes, but I guess my concern was unfounded.

Calmly I began to plot a course of action, but this quickly turned in to a comedy of errors. I grabbed AG by the stomach (trying to hold her away from my body so as not to get any poop on my work clothes) and ran her up to the nursery, mentally weighing the pros and cons of heading to the crib versus heading to the bathtub. The crib won out, since we have a waterproof crib sheet topper that was due for a change anyway, and I'd rather do a load of laundry than spend more time Cloroxing the tub. I got Amy Grace changed on the floor so she wouldn't get dirty again rolling around in the crib (every diaper or clothing change is a wrestling match now), then realized that I had inadvertently gotten a drop of poo on our beautiful nursery rug when I ran her up there. "Ok," I thought. "Time to tackle the spot."

I Googled "how to get poop out of carpet" (thank God for the internet) and found a post from a mommy blogger that recommended using hydrogen peroxide. Worked like a charm - until I realized that at some point when changing AG I had sat on the spot and messed up my off-white pants (which I am freshly back into as a result of the Shepherd 2009 Get Fit Plan). Got myself changed and put the pants in my car to take to the drycleaners. (Note to self: perhaps try hydrogen peroxide on pants?)

I then set about cleaning out AG's carseat and settled on Lysol to disinfect since I didn't have time to wash the cover (note to self: do that this weekend!). Then I wondered if little AG's bare legs would be bothered by the Lysol since it says to avoid contact with skin, so I changed her AGAIN into some footie pajama pants. We finally made it out to the car and I started hooking up the pump to pump on my commute - and had somehow managed to take only one bottle to the car instead of two. I dinstinctly remember grabbing two so I have no idea how that happened. No worries, it gave me a chance to grab the ice pack that I had also forgotten :).

God blessed me with a positive attitude throughout the morning - I was able to laugh about it all and stay calm instead of stressing out (except maybe about the Lysol :)). It was seriously just one thing after another that kept going wrong (though still so minor in the grand scheme of things!) and was another day in the life of mommyhood :)

Night Night, Dick-a-Dye!

That was a favorite bedtime saying of mine when I was little. Not sure where it came from, but it came back to me one night this week as I was rocking Amy Grace to sleep. Bedtime has become my favorite time of day to spend with her. Ever since she started settling into her own sleeping rhythm, I have taken her through a nightly routine: short bath, lavendar lotion rub-down, pjs, bottle, and then nursing and rocking to sleep. She has SO much fun in the bath tub, and I never tire of watching that excited little girl who kicks like crazy in the bathtub be lulled into sweet dreams just a few minutes later. It is such a precious thing to watch her drift off to sleep curled against my stomach, and it feels wonderful to know that I can provide a sense of security and comfort to her in those last few minutes of her day.

Our routine has also helped her sleep more soundly, I believe. She has been waking up to eat a lot more lately, but I think she may be teething and/or having a growth spurt and needs the extra calories. However, she still sleeps from about 7:30 to 1 or 2 am most nights before she needs to eat. What has been funny is that she does NOT mess around about her bedtime. I usually start her routine around 7 unless she seems tired earlier, but a couple of nights we have been out to dinner with friends around that time. Once the clock starts approaching 7:45 or 8, she has a serious meltdown, as if to say "ok guys, I have had ENOUGH and I am READY FOR BED!!" These meltdowns are the only time since she was a newborn that Amy Grace has truly cried, so you know she means business!

It Won't Be Like This For Long...

During my adolescent musical days when I listened to all country, all the time, I stayed far away from the popular music everyone else was listening to. Amanda Hagood tried to convince me of the merits of artists like Hootie & the Blowfish and Stone Temple Pilots, but I would have none of it. While I never did come around on STP, I became quite fond of old Hootie and still enjoy listening to "Hannah Jane" and "Let Her Cry" when I'm in a nostalgic '90s mood.

Well, since I moved a little towards Hootie, otherwise known as Darius Rucker, he moved a little towards me. Rucker released his first country single, "Don't Think I Don't Think About It" in 2008. Recently, however, his hit "It Won't Be Like This for Long" has topped the charts and almost moved me to tears several times. It begins:

It won't be like this for long
One day soon we'll look back laughing
At the week we brought her home
This phase is gonna fly by
So baby just hold on
It won't be like this for long

It's been feeling a lot more like the newborn stage right now, since we're just bottle-feeding breastmilk and formula to Amy Grace to get her weight up, which means I'm up several times a night to pump and feed when before we just nursed in bed...meaning a lot more sleep deprivation!! But this song always come to my head to remind me that it truly won't be like this for long, and how important it is to treasure every minute.

Ok seriously, I'm about to cry again :)

Jon & Kate Plus 8

Ok, time for a little vent. I left TLC on yesterday afternoon while I was home cleaning for a little background noise. During that time and into the evening, several episodes of "Jon & Kate Plus 8" came on. I'd seen it a couple of times before, though I don't quite understand the obsession with watching people run after 8 kids. Guess it's something akin to staring at car wrecks on the interstate. Not that having a large family is tragic...but you know. It's so voyeuristic.

Anyway, I am just wondering: Am I the only one who can't stand this show? Jon and Kate - Kate in particular - annoy the heck out of me. Seems like she is constantly bossing him around or degrading him and he either just takes it, or his bitterness comes out later in some sort of snide comment. I want to say, "DUDE! Stand up for yourself!" I would say that I don't understand why this show is so popular, but considering the number of women out there who feel entitled to belittle their husbands...I'd be kidding myself.

If I were going to regularly follow large broods of kids, I think I'd watch "18 Kids and Counting" instead. I saw part of an episode the other day, and it's a neat story about a couple that decided to quit taking birth control (after miscarrying due to getting pregnant on the Pill) and let God determine the size of their family. 18 kids later (with the oldest one now married), they are on tv and are a great witness to the power of God and the joy of letting Him decide how many children they'll be blessed with. I doubt Brent and I will end up with anywhere CLOSE to 18 children (and he probably just had a heart attack reading this :)), but it's refreshing to see a show featuring a family that strives to live outside the dictates of society, and inside the principles of God's Word.

One Year Ago

March is a big month for us. March 1st is Bo-Baby's birthday (whoops, forget it yesterday - sorry BB!) AND the anniversary of our first date (three years ago). Our wedding anniversary is on the 24th. Turkey season begins. And today marks another anniversary of sorts. One year ago today, we found out that we were pregnant with Amy Grace. It's amazing how at first that (unexpected) positive test seemed so overwhelming, when today we have a precious baby girl to show for it. Now I can truly see how ALL babies are blessings.

It's been a crazy year, full of so many ups and downs. But I will say one thing: pregnancy and parenthood grow you up immensely. We have both grown so much as people in our marriage, that it's hard to believe where we were a year ago. I am so very thankful for this year, and excited for the years to come.

Learning to Let Her Go

"I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord." ~ I Samuel 1:27-28

Ever since Amy Grace was born, I've had to return to over and over again to this verse as a reminder of to whom our beautiful daughter truly belongs. Earlier in the chapter, Hannah (Samuel's mother) was barren, but prayed to the Lord for a son within earshot of Eli the priest. If she had a son, Hannah promised "to give him to the Lord for all the days of his life" (v.11). The Lord granted her request and she gave birth to Samuel. Once she had weaned him, she returned to the temple to fulfill her vow by entrusting her son to Eli's tutelage.

Though I doubt Amy Grace has priestly apprenticeship in her future, this verse anchors what my attitude should be towards her and God as I grow in mothering over the years. It helped through those first couple of rough weeks of breastfeeding and out-of-control hormones, as these words reminded me that "our" daughter is not really ours, but the Lord's, and we do not have to rely only on ourselves to care for her. The more I trusted God to provide for His daughter, the more I could relax and follow His direction and not worry about what to do or making mistakes. In Phillipians 4:6, Paul writes, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." This exhortation is no less true in parenting, but with all the books, research, advice, etc, swirling around out there in our fear-driven culture, that truth can get lost pretty easily unless you're focused on God's promise to provide.

More importantly, however, this verse reminds me that even at this young age, we must remember that God did not grant us Amy Grace to make us happy or fill some void by keeping her close to us. He entrusted us with His child to raise her up in His word and His truth, so that she may one day have a husband and family of her own - and most importantly, a life of her own. I've told Brent several times how much I want to be nothing but excited for our daughter as she grows up - not sad that she is no longer a little baby we can hold in our arms, but joyful to see her experiencing new things, from kindergarten to marriage. But I can also see how easily that goal is lost, as it is oh so tempting to want our cute, cuddly babies to stay that way. And as much time as they require, there's also a sense of pride and purpose that they need us so much, and I can easily see how a selfish desire to keep them needing us could color how we parent. However, I know that if I continue to turn to the Lord to keep my heart grounded in the fact that Amy Grace belongs to the Lord, not to us, and that one day she will be grown up and gone (and that that's a GOOD thing), I can mother her out of a desire to meet her needs, and not out of a desire for her to meet mine. And I'm very thankful for that.